Hi there

I have been meaning to start a blog for a while now. I find myself reading other people’s blogs and listening to podcasts and wishing I was as talented and creative as others. Writing tends to soothe me and my Bullet Journal helped with my anxiety and low mood for a while but the positive effects of it havent been apparant for some time now.

I feel like very lost and I’m hoping that blogging could help me find my way again. There are so many unfinished thoughts running around inside head and I can’t seem to make sense of any of them. Maybe blogging is the answer, maybe not. We will see…

I guess my blogs will be about my anxieties, adulting, friendships and my life in general. So I guess to start with I will break down some of my most prominenet worries and how/if I am dealing with them:

After a panic attack about the state of the world and how global warming is going to affect us in lots of different ways, I have emailed a local environmentalist group in my area to find out about volunteering opportunities. I don’t know much about the environment but tend to fall for the scaremongering by the media. I feel like by educating myself about this topic and doing my bit to help, I may feel like I am a bit more in control.

I also worry about retirement, pensions and having enough money to live on when I am older. Again, this is something I know little about and believe the stories that there wont be enough state pension for us when we reach the appropriate age. It makes me question what job I should be looking for and if I am clever enough to get a higher paid job. I wish I had taken a different route at school and university and I wish there had been more careers guidance.

Should I have a baby first then find a new job in a few years? Should I find a job with progression now so I can feel more secure when I do go off on maternity leave in the future? Will a baby create more anxieties for me and am I mentally capable of bringing up a baby? Will I be bringing a baby into a world that is in decline where they will struggle more than us? It is also a scary thought that I would have to rely on my boyfriend’s income too when I have been so independent up until now.

Is my friend really my friend? How do I get the balance right of empathising with her whilst looking after myself and not accepting certain behaviours? How can I love her and dislike her all at the same time?

I dont remember ever having lessons or being warned about the complexities of adult life. All the advice I hear now and the quotes I see contradict each other. I just hope that I can figure it out soon!