Money, money, money

I’ve always been sensible with money. At university whilst my friends bought McDonald’s or cornish pasties for lunch (very hard to resist!) I would eat my ham sandwich that I made that morning. I knew that every saving, however tiny, would soon add up. And it really did. When I graduated in 2014 I came home with £2,000 which was a mixture of summer job earnings and leftover student loan.

I invested my money into driving lessons and quickly found full time work so that I could continue saving. I was single when I left uni and very aware of the cost of living which always worried me. I didn’t know when or how I could ever afford my own place (there was no way I was moving into shared accommodation again!) but I just hoped that something would fall into place.

Over the past couple of years I have still been cautious with money however I have enjoyed holidays, weddings, weekends away and lots of material bits. I do go through waves of being absolutely fine with spending my money to having panic attacks over not having enough money in the future. I’m spending more than I earn most months which means those savings have been steadily decreasing. I can’t see myself earning more money for a few years so I really do need to find a balance.

What I find hard in my 20s is the sheer distance between peers who were once at exactly the same stage as me. Some are off travelling, others married, some have bought their second home already. I find myself comparing what I am doing to what everyone else is doing even though I know it’s more efficient to focus on my own development.

I want it all! I’ve saved so hard yet still have so much less than friends with wealthier parents or inheritance. It’s really depressing that friends have managed to buy a house, go on multiple holidays to different continents, pay for their hair/nails/eyelashes and still afford to be social. I don’t do any of those things and it has caused me to feel very envious and even bitter about it. On positive days I am proud of all that I achieved but mostly I feel anxious about what the future holds for someone with no back-up money, no house and no high-paying job.

I rent a flat with my boyfriend at the minute so savings are minimal but I am so much happier being out of my parents house. We still get to do fun things and we are planning a holiday to Thailand in 2020 so saving for that. I’ve never been out of Europe so I’m so excited!

I’ve got a friend who doesn’t pay into her pension and tells me to just whack a holiday on a credit card. She doesn’t get why I am cautious and thinks we are exactly the same even though we are worlds apart. Shes very self absorbed and contradicts herself a lot which is very draining. It’s difficult trying to maintain a healthy friendship (she has a fun and loving side too) whilst often feeling bitter and annoyed. If anyone has any tips on this that would be great!

I’m in two minds about whether I’m even doing the right thing or if I’m missing a trick here. Am I meant to enjoy life now and think later? After all, you never know what might happen.

Another problem is that I don’t understand things like stocks and shares, interest rates and how to make the most out of my money.

I just feel a bit lost, with money but also with this whole adulting thing in general. Hence my name! I’m sure everyone else feels like it too. Reach out if you are!



I’m not sure what I came here for

Hi there

I have been meaning to start a blog for a while now. I find myself reading other people’s blogs and listening to podcasts and wishing I was as talented and creative as others. Writing tends to soothe me and my Bullet Journal helped with my anxiety and low mood for a while but the positive effects of it havent been apparant for some time now.

I feel like very lost and I’m hoping that blogging could help me find my way again. There are so many unfinished thoughts running around inside head and I can’t seem to make sense of any of them. Maybe blogging is the answer, maybe not. We will see…

I guess my blogs will be about my anxieties, adulting, friendships and my life in general. So I guess to start with I will break down some of my most prominenet worries and how/if I am dealing with them:

After a panic attack about the state of the world and how global warming is going to affect us in lots of different ways, I have emailed a local environmentalist group in my area to find out about volunteering opportunities. I don’t know much about the environment but tend to fall for the scaremongering by the media. I feel like by educating myself about this topic and doing my bit to help, I may feel like I am a bit more in control.

I also worry about retirement, pensions and having enough money to live on when I am older. Again, this is something I know little about and believe the stories that there wont be enough state pension for us when we reach the appropriate age. It makes me question what job I should be looking for and if I am clever enough to get a higher paid job. I wish I had taken a different route at school and university and I wish there had been more careers guidance.

Should I have a baby first then find a new job in a few years? Should I find a job with progression now so I can feel more secure when I do go off on maternity leave in the future? Will a baby create more anxieties for me and am I mentally capable of bringing up a baby? Will I be bringing a baby into a world that is in decline where they will struggle more than us? It is also a scary thought that I would have to rely on my boyfriend’s income too when I have been so independent up until now.

Is my friend really my friend? How do I get the balance right of empathising with her whilst looking after myself and not accepting certain behaviours? How can I love her and dislike her all at the same time?

I dont remember ever having lessons or being warned about the complexities of adult life. All the advice I hear now and the quotes I see contradict each other. I just hope that I can figure it out soon!